DON'T AFRAID WITH FAIL
I have a question for you...
How do you get good at a certain action or task?
The answer: Repetition.
Practice.
These are the fundamentals of building a skill. You will see the link below of some special site which help you to learn how can you be perfect player according to girls
Think about how you go about playing a sport, like baseball for example. Maybe you start with your dad lightly throwing a big orange ball and you whack it with your big red over-sized bat. Eventually, you learn to swing at a smaller ball with a thinner bat. Then the ball gets thrown faster, and your swings get harder. You miss more, but you keep swinging until you learn to hit that ball. Eventually, you get competent enough to notice which pitches to swing at and which to let go.
Every skill is learned this way. And meeting women is no different. Look at this link
Many friends write me to ask how to become more than a friend , this article may help them
HOW TO BECOME MORE THAT A FRIEND
The problem with women however, comes down to the emotional investment we put into our interactions with them. This is because many men often link the validation of their self esteem with a woman's acceptance of them. Therefore, in their emotional mind, the stakes are higher because the pain of failure is felt more easily.
When practicing baseball, you can accept the fact that you strike out time and time again because you can train yourself to do better. You know you're doing something wrong, and you're not afraid to strike out a 1,000 more times in order to get better.
But when you apply that to women, ask yourself: Am I ready to strike out with 1,000 women in order to find one that I like and that likes me back?
Most guys will say "no" to that question. And they're the ones who stay alone and pathetic, whining that no one likes them.
The guys who do go out there and mess up with 1000 women, but find that 1 girl that will give them the time of day are the ones who are happy, because they got what they want. And next time, maybe it'll only take them 100 times, or 50, or 10 to find a girl who'll return their affections.
The fact is, meeting women is a number's game. In baseball, you won't hit a home run every time. Not every pitch of the ball is right for that. Some go wide, some you miss, some you misjudge. A few you may get a single, or a double, some you have to bunt...
Ahem.
Anyway, you get the idea. You gotta go out into the world and meet women. And you gotta go out there with the mindset that it's okay for you to fail when trying to find that one special girl that's gonna make your life better.
I've gotten emails from guys before who tell me that they can't meet women because they're afraid that the bouncers in the club will laugh at them when they mess up, or all the other girls will notice and not want to talk to them, or various other odd beliefs.
The thing you gotta remember is, no one cares about you or your failures. Most guys know the score, they know that it's hard to pick up a woman and even if you make a fool of yourself doing it, they can't blame you for trying.
Women know the score too. They get hit on all the time. To them, you're just another spoke in the wheel of the machine. Chances are, they've seen worse than you try and fail.
And in the end, the only thing people notice is success! No one cares if a woman blows you off. But you can be sure that when you're in the corner tonguing down some beautiful babe, people WILL notice then!
Overcoming Shyness
How To Overcome Shyness Step-By-Step Guide by Joseph Matthews
>>>Question from a painfully shy guy:
Hi Joe,
Your newsletters are wonderful. Hats off to you man.
The biggest problem I face is loneliness. I like this girl who lives in my apartment building, but I can't talk to her because I'm too shy. It's like this with everyone. I don't even have any friends because I'm too shy to meet people. And when I talk to girls, I don't get the responses I want because I get too nervous and don't know what to say.
The other day, I ran into the girl from my apartment building. By luck she was waiting for the elevator when I came in and there was no one else around to make me nervous. She is so beautiful. Seeing my chance, I used one of your tips and started to look at her eyes and try to make eye contact, but she looked to the side so I couldn't even see her face.
When she did this, I got nervous and took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator with her. When I read your emails, I get a lot of courage. It took a great deal of daring on my part to even look at the eyes of this girl. Because I'm too shy to have friends who can help give me advice on this, and because my attempt at meeting this girl went poorly, I'm horribly depressed.
I'm writing to you with a very badly wounded in my heart. Help me! What can I do ? Waiting for your advice...
With regards,
Ray
>>>My Response:
First off, I just want to point out that you are putting WAY too much importance on women.
Way, WAY too much.
It sounds like you are rejecting yourself in your mind before they have a chance to get to know you. See, for guys who don't know a lot about women, they seem to be something more than just another human being.
They are the source of sexual pleasure. They are the source of validation. They are special.
If you have ever had the thought "If only I could get a girl to like me, everything would be different!" ... Then you have some very unrealistic views about the opposite sex.
Here's the funny thing...
You weren't BORN shy. Shyness is not an inherited trait. It's something that is LEARNED. It's a skill that is DEVELOPED over time. In short: Shyness is UNNATURAL!
Human beings, by nature, are social creatures. We're raised by parents, have siblings, etc., so it's natural to desire contact with other human beings. Any feelings that make you act contrary to this desire are contrary to evolution. They are DANGEROUS!
They are trying to deprive you of a basic human need -- contact with others. When you fall back on the crutch of being "shy," what you're really doing is training yourself to do something that's inherently HARMFUL to you! Being afraid of others is the equivalent of having an irrational fear of food. Food is something you NEED to survive! And if you're afraid of it, you're going to suffer.
In this case, if you were dying of hunger because you're afraid of food, would you rather die of starvation, or would you prefer to FORCE yourself to eat, despite the fear, in order to survive? This is the same dilemma you must face when confronting shyness. Would you rather suffer emotionally from loneliness and fear? Or would you rather force yourself through the fear and enjoy human companionship?
I'm hoping you choose to FIGHT the fear. And I'll help you do it. Do you want to know the single best way to overcome shyness? You can do it by simply MEETING PEOPLE. Keep reading, because I'm going to tell you, step-by-step, what you have to do.
Go out EVERY DAY to meet 10 women. It doesn't matter what they look like, how old they are, whatever, as long as they are WOMEN.
Walk up to them and say:
"Excuse me, can I ask you a question? It will only take a moment."
If they say "No thanks," just shrug it off and say "Well, thanks for your time."
If they say "Yes," respond:
"I need some female advice on something. My little cousin's (or niece, or whatever) birthday is coming up, and I need to get her a gift, but I don't know what little girls would like. Can you give me a recommendation?"
Then when they give you the answer, say:
"Thank you very much. My name is (your name). What's yours?"
When they give you their name, end it with:
"It was a pleasure meeting you (her name). Thanks for the advice."
And then WALK AWAY. That's right. You don't have to hang around and chit-chat. You can just walk away. Simple, right? You might be afraid to do this at first, but just remember that you're only asking them a QUESTION. Nothing more. You're not trying to get a phone number or a date. You're just trying to break through your barrier about meeting others.
In short: You're re-training yourself to fight through your shyness!
Do this to 10 women every day. You're not asking them out or anything, you're just asking a question and introducing yourself.
If you keep doing this, you're going to notice a few things:
- Meeting people isn't scary. In fact, it can be rather fun!
- Most people will want to be engaged in conversation, and may even ask you questions or try to engage you in a conversation in return.
- The people who don't want to talk to you aren't worth your time. It's the ones who DO want to talk to you who are worth while.
How To Approach Women
Today, I'm going to share some critical information with you on how to approach women.
If you want the best chance of having a successful approach with an attractive woman, it's CRUCIAL to convey several things:
- That you are NOT desperate at ALL.
- That you are DOMINANT AND MEAN BUSINESS.
- That you are being SPONTANEOUS.
- That you are SINCERE.
- That you are a WINNER in LIFE.
Notice how NONE of the things mentioned above are about how INCREDIBLY AWESOME you think SHE is. That's because, if you are the kind of MAN she wants to meet, then in HER mind, she's thinking that you should be able to attract women like her without a problem, so she really shouldn't be a big deal to you.
Now, let's go through the above elements, and HOW TO CONVEY THOSE ELEMENTS TO A WOMAN.
It's important to realize that in order to convey something to a woman, you must understand how WOMEN interpret things, even if the way they interpret things is COMPLETELY WRONG!
#1. NOT BEING DESPERATE AT ALL
First of all, anything that indicates EFFORT to speak to her, on your part, is a signal to a woman that you are desperate.
Notice I said EFFORT, not COURAGE.
Let me give you examples of indicating too much effort:
You see a woman in a mall, walking, and she is FAR away from you. If you want to approach her, do not let her see that you are running half way across the mall to approach her! Instead, you should set it up so that you walk ahead of her without her noticing that you have noticed HER, then casually slow down, turn a bit as if you are looking at something, and VOILA- she just "happens" to walk right toward you. NOW you can do your thing- after all, she was right in front of you, right- it was NO BIG DEAL...lol
Second, anything that puts her on a pedestal also reeks of desperation. This includes over-use of compliments, (I prefer to use none) especially on her beauty. Also, agreeing with everything she says and constant smiling and nodding also reeks of desperation. It says that you are treating her as if she has THE POWER TO MAKE YOU SO DAMN HAPPY- this THROWS ALL THE POWER IN HER COURT, and makes you seem INFERIOR.
After all, if you are not desperate, then why are you getting so excited and happy from her? Let HER smile instead. Giving her too much approval, too much attention, leaning in to her physically or metaphorically, all add up to d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-i-o-n in her mind. Also, I should mention that acting MEAN does NOT SHOW that you are not desperate, it actually shows that you are indeed bitter and desperate.
2. BEING DOMINANT AND MEANING BUSINESS
Women can tell IMMEDIATELY if a guy lacks guts- if he is less than dominant, when he approaches them and opens his mouth. Sometimes, even BEFORE he approaches them, women can tell if he is a submissive little boy.
How ?
Simple: If a guy STARES at a woman instead of just IMMEDIATELY approaching her, a woman knows the guy is TOO NERVOUS to act on his DESIRE. So if you ever see a woman you'd like to approach, don't let her in on it before you have decided to TAKE ACTION.
Now, it's best to just go up immediately, so you don't over analyze the situation and bog yourself down with doubts, but if you have no idea what you are going to say, (i.e. you need to figure out a tease to say), then don't look at her as you are figuring out what you are going to say. Figure it out, and THEN IMMEDIATELY approach her. Meaning "business" is especially important when you ask for an email, or if you suggest an "instant date". Let's say you've chatted it up with a woman for a few minutes, and then you ask for her email...
At this point, I believe a woman makes a subtle TEST...she wants to see if you MEAN BUSINESS, or if you are just playing around, or if you are too scared to really do this kind of thing, etc, etc.
DO NOT SMILE when you ask for the email. Look her straight in the eye, totally calm, without fear, without smiling. You are being a man, offering a woman something she WANTS. Sugar coating it with smiles, etc, only makes it look like you are trying to sell her a raw deal. And if there is a pause, a silence, DO NOT FILL THE "uncomfortable" quiet by saying ANYTHING.
You asked her for her email, and now she has a CHOICE to say yes no or maybe. But if YOU fill the void, it's a sign of you NOT being confident, it's a sign of you trying to find a way out of this "emotional risk" (which is really no risk when you think about it)- and that would not be sexy. During that pause, she will be checking your expression to see if you are a MAN. If she sees you MEAN it, and are offering her NO EASY WAY OUT to lessen the rejection you may face, it shows her you are not afraid of the consequences of your asking, because you MEAN IT and are prepared to accept whatever may happen.
This is NOT desperation, it's MEANING BUSINESS.
By the way, in terms of dominance, it's crucial not to make the mistake of thinking this means to be a JERK. What it really means is to behave in a way that only a guy who is TOO COMFORTABLE with her can. Being a smart-ass can sometimes convey dominance as well- here's an example:
Once, I was at a trendy clothing store and teasing the girl who worked there, telling her the caps on display (which had a "beat up" look) were defective merchandise...she laughs and tells me it's the style, I tease her some more and say "Sure, you get this stuff at a garage sale and then call it "the latest style" " She laughs more.. then I take the hat and put it ON HER HEAD...and I take a long moment...as if I am deciding if it looks good or not on her, instead of just kissing up.... She was EATING THIS UP...loving every second of it. This is what I mean by dominance, as opposed to being a jerk.
#3 BEING SPONTANEOUS
This is a funny one to me, because in reality, what APPEARS to be spontaneous to a woman is actually REHEARSED, and when a guy is truly spontaneous, he comes across to a woman as desperate. I like to consider myself a "good" guy. Years ago, I used to go up to women and I was all nervous and fumbled. But the reality is that I was that way because I had NOT rehearsed, because I was BEING IMPULSIVE AND SPONTANEOUS. And of course got hardly any positive results. I had no plan, I would just see a woman and go up to her, revealing whatever I was feeling at that moment.
Spontaneous. But women interpret that as being a guy who is a sicko, or desperate, etc. To appear SPONTANEOUS in a good sense, you actually have to PRACTICE! Hey, I didn't say women were logical... That means whenever you see women anywhere, go up to them and tease them, and chat them up, and don't think too much about how seriously interested you are or are not. It's about developing the skill to just go up to women and tease, chat, without thinking...
This way, when you see that woman that you just HAVE to go up to, you will be well-REHEARSED so you can look SMOOTH and SPONTANEOUS! And of course, the worst thing you can do to ruin the appearance of being spontaneous is to STARE AT A WOMAN for five minutes before you actually go up to her. JUST GO, IMMEDIATELY. This is very romantic for a woman, when a stranger just pops into their life like that, so the women feel it was all destiny, blah blah blah... just like in a Harlequin romance novel... and when they are in bed with you, they will be thinking "it just happened" it was beyond their control, it was fate...blah blah blah...
#4 SHOWING THAT YOU ARE SINCERE
It's important that a woman think you are sincere, and not a psycho, or a player. However, most guys overdo this part and instead show that they are not only sincere, but guys behave as if they sincerely think they are UNWORTHY of an attractive woman. (As if somehow being attractive makes a woman more worthy inherently). You can also be TOO SMOOTH, where a woman is really into you, and you can OVERWHELM her with being SO CONFIDENT in your body language, behavior, wit and smart-assness, that she feels it would be awesome to be with you, but that you are OUT OF HER LEAGUE.
The key to showing that you are sincere, without overdoing it, is to adjust to your particular woman in front of you, to determine how confident she herself is...by her responses, etc. And you should then accordingly pepper your smart-ass/teasing style conversation with a light small talk, and also by actually LISTENING to what she is saying, without kissing her butt. In other words, by having some normal conversation. The more confident she is, the more teasing she gets, the less confident she is, the more small talk.
#5 BEING A WINNER
Women are attracted to men who are in CONTROL of their lives and their emotions. So being a pessimist, or full of hate, or being a whiner or complainer is not a good idea. Droopy posture doesn't help either. Equally important is being the kind of person who is passionate about life, who ENJOYS life, who has goals in life, and has a plan, and is putting the plan into action. FOR HIMSELF, NOT IN ORDER TO PLEASE ANY WOMAN.
Now, you could LIE about yourself, but why not actually find the things you are interested and passionate about and become involved in them? Most of what holds us back is fear, and when you abandon your fears and go for your goals, it not only makes your life more enjoyable, but others become drawn toward you as well. Since the beginning, women have needed men for survival, who could endure a hostile environment laden with numerous threats and unpredictable situations
How to Be Cocky and Funny
One way of getting a girl's attention is to not do what you are expected to do. Be cocky without overdoing it and at the same time be funny! This is a combination that has proven to be irresistible to women. Women in general do not like wuss. This is especially true for hot women. They are so used to men falling all over them therefore if you don't… aha! It sets you apart from all the love struck males. And you would get her attention !
Let's look at this scenario when a guy uses the cocky and funny technique:
| Thousands of people have assume that this is the sure way to get a girl close in less time. |
He paused in between reading his magazine and said, "Sure. But I want it back when you are done." And proceeded to hand over the handouts to her and continued reading his magazine. She thumbed through the hand outs and stopped to read some article which caught her eye. When she was done reading, she started a conversation with him commenting on the article she just read.
Peering at her from the top of his magazine, he challenged what she just commented. She looked surprised and proceeded to defend her statement. He put down his magazine, and started the cocky and funny routine on her and very soon she was laughing with him and her hands were touching his. He had practically eating out of his hand.
"Care to join me for a drink?" he asked her after dinner. "Sure" she said accepting his invitation to go adjourn for a drink after dinner. They had a smashing time over the night cap and before the night is over, he had her agreeing to another date the next day.
Notice how the fact that he chose to ignore her when she join him at his table somehow pique her interest in him and got her to start a conversation with him. When he challenged her view instead of agreeing with her whole heartedly made him even more attractive to her. Her brain is sending signals that read "HEY! This guy IS DIFFERENT!!! Check him out!" Just when her guard is down, he started to tease her and get her in a playful mood.
He works his magic on her. That combined with laughter is giving her a euphoric feeling and now her brain is telling her that not only is this guy different, he is also FUN and HOT! Isn't this what all guys long for? For women to think that they are FUN and HOT? This scenario shows that any regular guy can hook up with a hot lady. It's not the looks but the attitude, confidence and approach. If she feels good with you, she'll want to keep on seeing you.
Here's some food for thought :
- Women love it if men present some kind of challenge to them and not lap up her every word like its gospel! If you present no challenge to her, she'll be bored in no time and will take her attention elsewhere.
- Do what most men don't do. If she is gorgeous, lack of attention from you would pique her interest since she expects you to fawn over her.
- Keep in mind that if you follow the crowd, you'll just be one of the guys who throw themselves at her.
- Tease her and have fun. That's how interaction and conversation should be.
Bottom line: challenge women, tease them and show them a good time and you won't be disappointed! Never be a doormat around them and you'll be fine !
WHAT GIRLS LOOK FOR
A girl's mind works in strange ways-as if you didn't know-and the things that attract them to men are mostly NOT what you expect . Here's what they are( not necessarily in order of importance ) :--
Honesty
Sense of humor
Eye contact
Smiles
Personality
Confidence
Maturity
Sensitivity
Looks (this one is definitely in the right place in order of importance!)
Ever noticed how a girl goes completely berserk when she finds out you've lied . What's all the fuss about? you think . The big fuss they make tells you something crucial -- HONESTY is very very important to girls. Remember this if you are naturally honest and use your honesty to full advantage. Be honest with her even if your natural instinct in a particular situation is not to be . If you are naturally dishonest conceal this at all costs-you're probably good at that anyway!
A good sense of humor is amazingly attractive to most girls . They want a man who is FUN to be with .If you can make a girl laugh you're 90% there . If you have a good sense of humor-use it at every appropriate opportunity . If you haven't- WORK on it - and develop one . This can be done - watch those that have this and use their techniques - try the one that suits your personality best-experiment .
EYE-CONTACT is in my opinion the single most important factor in your success and for this reason I will go into this in more detail later . (similarly with SMILES )
A strong personality draws most girls . They really do go for a man who knows what he wants to do - no matter what anybody else thinks about him .
Girls are also drawn to confident men who are assertive , positive and don't dither . If you are less than confident - don't show it . LOOK CONFIDENT . How do you do this? TRY-study body language , either get a book on this or just observe & imitate any confident men you see around you . Stand up straight ,never fidget , head up high , slow ,steady movements and above all EYE to EYE contact at all times. You know the things I mean -observe & learn & apply .
Maturity is a big turn on with most girls . This is one reason that quite a lot find older men attractive . So it usually pays to act pretty sensibly when you're with girls ( not to the extent that you lose your sense of humor and fun of course ). Drinking beer until it comes out of your ears, falling over senseless and going on the rampage might be a good laugh when you're with the lads but it won't impress her. She might laugh but inside she'll be eaten up with embarrassment.
A lot of men think that girls are turned on by very macho men - but most girls think completely the OPPOSITE . Girls like their men to be sensitive . Don't take this too far , girls want their men to act like men but try and mix being a man with being caring and sensitive . A heady cocktail that girls find irresistible ! If you find something 'nice' or 'pretty' or something upsets you - tell her. You'll be surprised how much she warms to you . Especially if the something nice or pretty is about her!!
Whilst girls obviously go for good looks and a decent body it comes surprisingly LOW on THEIR list of priorities . By itself it doesn't turn them on like it does men . Ask a girl if she is turned on by these things , she will probably say yes but deep down a girl knows she can't find any man a turn-on unless he CARES for her too.
For this reason , if you are worried about your looks and body (and who isn't?)-put your worry out of your mind and concentrate on the things given in this book that girls want . This is probably the hardest thing that you have to do in the entire book.